It’s time to be bad. Roast potatoes: the ultimate way to gain the respect and adoration of those around you, through the power of the golden crunchy outer, and juicy soft inner. Overdo it and you could find yourself with so much crunch you chip a tooth. Too soft and you might as well be sucking on a soggy old titty. You have to get it right. These cheeky devils can’t be passed off as a health-food, so let’s do this properly and really focus, and make this treat worth it. Give these god damn potatoes the respect they deserve.
– golden delight potatoes (as many as you want)
– lots of good quality olive oil
– salt to season
Roast those puppies like a champion:
– your oven needs to get cranking to 210C
– peel those dirty little potatoes, and cut them into large chunks. Even if they look at you funny, don’t be tempted to overdo the cutting, or they will be excessively crisp. It’s not worth it
– place them in a saucepan, cover them with water and a little salt and get those buggars boiling. Boil them for 20-30 minutes. You want them soft, but not falling apart like Carrie Bradshaw when Mr Big dumped her for the millionth time
– dig out your baking tray and add the olive oil into it. You want the base of the tray covered with oil like some sort of bikini-clad wrestler. Put this in the oven for 5 minutes to heat up
– when the potatoes are soft, drain them. Now, here is the important part: return the potatoes to the saucepan, over a low heat and let them dry off for a minute. This is what will make them really crisp up. Give the saucepan a gentle shake, to rough their surface up ever so slightly
– remove the baking tray from the oven, and place the potatoes into the hot oil, turning them over so they are each coated in that sensual grease. They love it.
– bang into the oven for 35 minutes. Then pull it out and turn the potatoes, and then return them from whence they came for another 25 minutes or so. Keep checking them. They cannot be trusted. They will make an arsehole out of you if you let them.
– when they have a gorgeous, golden hue, take them out of the oven. Season them lightly with a good salt. In fact, drop a load of salt on those bad boys like a friggin’ dump-truck.
– no sane, good human can resist an amazing roast potato. So if they do, be highly suspicious and consider maiming them for the good of our species
Happy roasting, friends. Enjoy the naughtiness – the dark side is pretty good every now and then,