Sweet-Arse Chilli Stir-Fry


Sweet Chilli is like a party in your mouth. It’s a party I have personally enjoyed many times, in many ways. So I was so tremendously disappointed when I read the ingredients and realised sugar is a main constituent. Shocking! You may think the word ‘sweet’ preceding the ‘chilli’ should have given me a clue. What can I say? I’m a nutrition-lovin’-nurse not a friggin’ detective. Yes, I watched Inspector Gadget growing up; yes, I own oversized sunglasses and a trench-coat, but that’s as far as it goes. Moron I may be, but quitter I am not. Giving up on Sweet Chilli isn’t an option. Giving up on regular sugar is. Enter: home-made-whip-it-up-quick sweet chilli sauce. It’s happening.

Ingredients: (for 2 hungry grown humans)

– 2 teaspoons coconut oil (or whatever oil you like)

– a few drops of sesame oil

– 250g meat of your choice, sliced very thinly

– 1 red capsicum, sliced (1/2 is for the sauce)

– 1 brown onion, sliced (1/4 is for the sauce)

– 1 carrot, cut into sticks

– 1 bunch broccolini

– whatever the hell vegetables you want to put in it, really, it’s not an exact science

– 3 pitted Medjool dates, chopped

– 3 tablespoons boiling water

– juice of 1/2 lime

– pinch of salt

– 1 teaspoon finely chopped ginger

– 1 clove of garlic, finely chopped

– 1 birds-eye chilli, finely chopped (remove the seeds if you like it mild. If you like things spicy and have no respect for your anus, add another chilli)

– a handful of chopped fresh coriander

– a couple of handfuls of cashews

Get this Sweet-Arse sauce happening: 

– get your dates in a cup and cover them with the boiling water to soften

– give your blender a pep-talk and tell him it’s all good, and to be a team player. He’s got some blendin’ to do and this is no time to wig-out

– put the lime juice, chilli, 1/2 capsicum, 1/4 onion, ginger, garlic, salt and soaked dates (including the residual grossly brown water) into the blender. Tell the blender to go mental

Stir-fry that shit:

– heat up the oil in a wok (or frypan) over a high heat, then get meat in there and give it a little cook. When it’s nearly done (don’t overdo it, please don’t overdo it) get it out of the wok

– now throw the onion in there, give it a bit of a browning, then add in the rest of your vegetables, and keep them moving so they get even heat

– after a minute or so, pour in the lovely, natural sweet chilli sauce you have just made and enjoy the sizzle

– the vegies won’t take long, a matter of a few minutes. When it’s nearly time, put the meat back in and get everything juicy

– throw the coriander and cashews in and give it a stir

– serve it up with some lovely cooked brown rice

– try not to crack a stiffy

Sugar, you can suck a dick,

Shannon x




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