Shannon's Kitchen

healthy food. inappropriate language. zero fucks given.

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I have two beautiful chooks, Princess Layer and Hen Solo, who I love and adore. So I feel like a right prick when I cook chicken, I really do. So if I’m doing it, I’m doing it right, I’m paying that bird the god damn respect it friggin’ deserves. So here is how I roast one. Rest in peace, birdies. Y’all are so lovely but, Lord help us, you’re tasty.


Ingredients:

– 1 chicken

– 3 teaspoons coconut oil (or any oil or butter)

– 2 teaspoons of chopped sage leaves

– 2 teaspoons of chopped thyme leaves

– 1 or 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped

– 1 teaspoon finely chopped ginger

– 1 tablespoon of lemon juice

– half a lemon to shove up the poor love’s clacker

– whatever lemon juice is left pop in the bottom of the roasting dish


Respect your chook:

– get the oven cracking at 180

– dry the chicken off with paper towel

– stuff half a lemon up its freckle. If you want to bother with making stuffing, by all means, go ahead. I don’t care for it, plus I’m a nurse so I have spent enough time with my digits up in weird places, so I want to get in and get out

– in a bowl, combine the oil, sage, thyme, garlic, ginger and lemon juice. We will now refer to this as the ‘chicken balm’

– starting at the arse-end, separate the skin from the flesh. This sounds a bit Hannibal Lecter, but it happens surprisingly easily. Now, in several loads, jam about half of the chicken balm into this pocket and smoosh it as far and wide as you can under the skin

– rub the remaining half of the chicken balm onto the skin, all over that chicken. Pretend you are rubbing a football player (AFL, rugby or Lingerie Football League, whatever you fancy. But NOT soccer, I will not stand for it)

– now put whatever lemon juice you have left in the baking dish and then place that greased up chicken in there

– cook for 25-30 mins per 500g

– pull it out of the oven and it’s ready to go, juicy, tender, full of flavour and well respected


It don’t feel right, but it does taste right,

Shannon x

Do yourself a favour, and serve it with Ginger & Sage Pears and Quinoa & Roast Vegetable Brew

roastchickenquinoapeardinner

6 thoughts on “Respectful Roast Chicken

  1. adamjcasey says:

    I love you Shannon so very much, but the metric system fucks me up every time. Even now I never see it coming and you toss a 200 degrees at me and I’m like wtf. I’m an idiot.

    1. Shannon says:

      Haha! You’re right, that was righteous and obnoxious of me. I shall add in the Celsius from now on for you crazy kids.
      x
      P.S. You realise that the metric system just makes complete sense, right? 😉

      1. adamjcasey says:

        I am a trained engineer and therefore understand the benefits to the metric system. I however still have to convert in my mind using the Bob and Doug McKensie method: double it and add thirty. (Thus a six pack is 42 metric beers.)

  2. adamjcasey says:

    Also I’m fucked when you tell me how many grams I need.

    1. Doug says:

      100 grams is four ounces, 1kg is 40 ounces, and for interest sake 100 ml is 4 inches,1 metre is 40 inches or that close it doesn’t matter

  3. slabs989Slabs says:

    I understand regarding the chickens as we have pet ones too. Ours are called Isabelle, Ursula, Wilma and Meg. Meg has been incapable of laying (for medical reasons) for two years but we keep feeding her anyway as she’s a family pet. Is it wrong that I have no qualms about feeding them leftover chicken?

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