Stealth-Health Apple & Oat Cakes











These cakes are fucking sneaky. They taste like cake, they look like cake, but they don’t act like cake. These little punks are full of all the good shit: nuts, oats, apples, sultanas and eggs. Oh, and dates. Dates: am I obsessed with them? Yes. Am I sorry about it? Not at all. They look like an amputated teste that has been salvaged from a medical waste bin, but those little buggers add sweetness, fibre and minerals. Magic. When these cakes are introduced as wheat-free and refined sugar-free, you will see the proposed tasters’ lips purse up like a miniature horse’s arsehole. But once that uptight fucker bites into the cake, that anus-like opening will soften and relax, and after one swallow it will be happily agape. These cakes are that good. Or you can try the deceptive route and offer no health information to your muffin-eaters. Then you can feel enveloped in your deceitful excellence, like some sort of freshlord food magician. Stealth-Health Apple & Oat Cakes are the ultimate trick.

Ingredients: (makes about a dozen)

– 4 eggs

– 2 apples, peeled, cored and chopped

– 5 medjool dates, pitted

– 4 tablespoons maple syrup

– 2 teaspoons vanilla extract (or essence)

– 1/3 cup coconut oil

– 1 cup rolled oats

– 2 cups almond meal

– 2 teaspoons baking powder

– 1 teaspoon salt

– 1 cup sultanas

– 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

How to get a moist muffin:

– preheat the oven to 180

– get that trusty food processor out, pat him on the back and tell him he’s got to bring his A-game

– whack the apples, dates, maple syrup, vanilla extract, coconut oil and eggs into the food processor. Then tell that thing to go off its tits. Make it into a sloppy goo

– when everything looks sufficiently smooshed and mixed, add in the oats. Give that a whizz. I like the oats broken up and undetectable to fussy dickheads

– now add in the almond meal, salt, baking powder, cinnamon and give that a bit of a zoom around in that food processor

– transfer this mix into a bowl and add in the sultanas, stir them through nice and evenly

– now spoon that slop into a muffin tray (lined with those cute little muffin papers)

– these puppies will cook in around 20 minutes but keep an eye on them. They’re cheeky

– get that muffin in and around your mouth


Nutritious cake.. Shit yeah,

Shannon x

28 thoughts on “Stealth-Health Apple & Oat Cakes

  1. Pingback: Muffins – Healthy – Orange, Oats and Almonds | Red Hot Mixer

  2. Sarbear

    Just about to bake these babies on a health kick! Is there a substitute for Coconut oil? Call me tight but$12 for a small tub out if the Philippines? WTF! I try to buy local.

  3. Pingback: Gingerbread: Healthy’ish but not heinous | Shannon's Kitchen

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