You know what confuses me? The phenomenon of ‘slut shaming’. Don’t people LIKE rooting? Why trash-talk good, reliable providers?! It makes no sense. So the word slut doesn’t sit well with me, but I absolutely love the word ‘tart’. While it suggests promiscuity there is a playfulness to it that makes it palatable. So let’s talk tarts. They have to be sweet, they have to be creamy, they have to be utterly bloody enjoyable. They certainly can’t be dry, and they can’t be sour. Do they have to be low-fat? Well… depends who you ask. A good tart is a great thing, and the BEST thing about THIS tart, is that it won’t cause disease. You can get as balls-deep into it as you like, with no fear, because this tart is a healthy one. You can even lick your fingers after this one. It is bloody delicious, it tastes like a lemon pie rooted a cheesecake. I know, I know – hot as fuck.

Ingredients:

Base:

– 1 cup roasted macadamias

– 1 cup desiccated coconut

– 10 Medjool dates, pitted

– 1/8 cup coconut oil

– 1/4 teaspoon salt

Topper:

– 2 cups of raw cashews, soaked in water for 6 hours, then drained (fuckin’ annoying right? But it will make them whip up heaps better)

– 3 lemons (we need the juice AND the zest)

– 1/2 cup coconut cream

– 4 tablespoons maple syrup

– 1/8 cup coconut oil

You Tart!:

– get your crunchy macadamias, desiccated coconut, dates, coconut oil and salt into the food processor. Have no mercy on your food processor and set that lazy turd to high. That shit is gonna take some whizzin’. You might have to stop every now and then to scrape the sides down and chastise that lazy son of a gun. But be cool, team, you’ve got this

– once that’s all nicely combined, grab yourself a greased springform pan and smoosh all that tasty base into the bottom (like you would a cheesecake). Make it nice and flat and a suitably lovely place for the zesty topper to perch on

– then bang it in the fridge

– next is the topper. Give your food processor a bit of a rinse (or be a lazy fucker like me and just dump the next load in there like a fuckin’ dumptruck)

– grab your drained cashews, lemon juice, lemon zest, coconut cream, maple syrup and coconut oil and get all that sweet shit into the food processor. By now your food processor is probably thinking you’re a bit of a dick, but quite frankly that’s his problem. Set that mo-fo to high again and watch magic happen

– to get a smooth and creamy result you really need to let that shit whizz for a while. It took several minutes and several side-scrapings for me to achieve a smooth result

– now! Time to unite the base and topper. Slosh that zesty topper on top of the base and smooth it all out so it’s pretty

– now your work is done and it’s time to play the ever-painful waiting game. Sigh. Put your delicious tart in the fridge to set. Leave it a good few hours so when you slice it the pieces look fuckin’ professional

Yours in zest,

Shannon x