Cashew-Creamed Butternut and Cauliflower


Potato: I love you fried. Fuck, I love you fried. I love you mashed, roasted, as a gratin, in a croquette, and any other damn way. If you were a person, you would be Jessica Alba. Everybody with common fucking sense finds you desirable. And while Jessica can certainly make the penile-apparatus-sporting members of humanity fat, potatoes can make all of humanity fat. In the less joyous context. Therefore, potatoes, unfortunately for us both, you’re not a desirable candidate for an everyday food. Because you’re a bit of a dick, cheekily masquerading as a vegetable. It hurts, but it’s true, you starchy motherfucker. So we need to find ways around your seductive ways. Mashed potato: you’re first on the chopping board. Enter: Cashew-Creamed Butternut and Cauliflower.

Ingredients: (serves 2-4 as a side dish)

– half a head of cauliflower, chopped

– 300-400g butternut pumpkin, chopped

– 1/3 cup raw cashews soaked in water for a few hours, then drained

– a generous cracking of salt

– around 25g goat cheese

**please note, you can cook this dish with all cauliflower and no pumpkin if you so desire. Just omit the pumpkin and use an entire head of cauliflower**

Do the Mash:

– boil the butternut and cauliflower until they’re soft and tender, like Jessica’s hooters (the butternut will have to be started first, obviously)

– now, drain that dynamo duo, and throw them into a food processor

– add in the drained cashews, the goat cheese and salt and then turbo that shit so it blends all smooth and creamy, like Jessica’s rump

– taste it. If it’s not awesome, add a little more salt

Catch ya later, mashed potat-er, ya dickhead,

Shannon x

2 thoughts on “Cashew-Creamed Butternut and Cauliflower

  1. AJ

    I freaking love this recipe! Also, I did the first batch with sweet potato instead of squash for no reason other than I’m a bit easily confused… Awesome!! So damn good. Thank you for the fab recipe!

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