Vegetable Noodles with Spicy Green Pureed Shit


So, whether it’s me or some other health-talkin’-doodlebug, there is one pretty clear message about food: eat more fucking vegetables. Everyone agrees vegetables win: clean-eaters, paleo-promoters and normal-nutritionists. Some no-carb clowns might turn their noses up at vegetables but, trust me, their meat-encrusted-bowels are god damn gagging for it. To deny that vegetables are a universal good would be as foolish as thinking Ryan Gosling could walk through a city with his trousers descended without being mounted by several humans (and possibly by some other medium sized mammals too). That hot fucker is gonna get done. Now, I’m not saying we should mount our vegetables, no, don’t try that, because if they snap off you will have some very uncomfortable explaining to do in the Emergency Room. Everyone will know you did not ‘trip’ and fall on that zucchini. Despite ruling out straddling them, we should give vegetables the respect they deserve and get them inside us somehow. This dish is the way: it is all about the veg. Of course, we can’t let those cheeky, fibrous rascals get past our tastebuds in their natural, boring state. Fuck no. They need to be revved up.  Enter: spices, creamy shit, and one dash of fuck yeah.

Ingredients: serves 2 or 3 depending on greed levels

– 1 cup frozen peas

– 1 tablespoon green curry paste (look, the proper thing would probably be to make your own curry paste, but I’m not going to fucking do that)

– 1 cup of coconut milk

– 2 zucchini

– 1 small sweet potato, peeled

– 1 small eggplant

– a couple of handfuls of roasted cashews

– lime wedges to serve

– a little oil for frying your veggies (I think coconut oil is the oil of choice in this dish, without a doubt)

Optional: 200g rice noodles

Optional and not advised: if you’re one of those dipsticks who just has to put meat in every fucking dish, then bloody hell, try it with scallops. But fuck, mate, keep it light

How to cook this championesque dish:

– boil your peas up, they need to be pretty well-cooked because we’re going to smoosh that shit up

– next start turning your other vegetables (zucchini, sweet potato and eggplant) into noodles. You really need a friggin’ spiraliser (mine cost about $30 off the internet-machine) or some serious bloody patience to cut the veggies up in fine strips reminiscent of noodles

– drain your peas, and get those little fellas into a blender with the green curry paste and half the coconut milk and whizz that business until it’s smooth’ish

– get a fry pan/wok heating up over a high heat. Bang some oil in when she’s good and ready

– get your vegetable noodles in there and toss them around like a crazy son of a bitch. They’ll cook pretty friggin’ quickly so don’t get too caught up in the fun of it all

– after a minute or two, get that spicy green pureed shit in on the action. Prepare for a battle because that shit will hiss and spit at you like an angry ex-lover. Just keep stirring it, and dodge the zingers that come your way

– after a minute, that should be smelling pretty friggin’ great. Pop the remaining coconut milk in there and watch that all calm down. Stir it up, then let it simmer again, and you’re done

– if you elected to have rice noodles then prepare them as per their packet’s instructions and get them involved

– serve it up and get a lime wedge on there and squeeze the juice over when you’re ready to hook in

– the world knows we need some fucking crunch in our dishes, so go ahead and toss some cashews on top (unless you’re allergic to them, in which case, don’t do that, that’s silly)

– if you want to jazz that mother-fucker right up, then toss a little handful of coriander on top. No one will question your class with a tuft of fresh herbs atop their vegetable noodles

It’s a guaranteed Dream Shit,

Shannon x

10 thoughts on “Vegetable Noodles with Spicy Green Pureed Shit

  1. Heather

    Spiralizers are fucking awesome. We make zoodles, everybody loves them. I don’t bother with curry paste ’cause those little jars a too fucking small. I get a big ass jar or bag of curry powder and just add more coconut oil. has great curry and other spices. Last jar I got, though was from a local international market.

  2. Natalie Brebion

    Haven’t tried this little fucker yet (its on the menu list for this week! ) but kept thinking that fried shallots would be pretty sweet on top of this…

  3. I’m brand new to your website but I just want you to know that I think you fucking rock. I fucking love swear words too but you can’t just go around fucking swearing and think that’s all it takes to be fucking funny. You also happen to be fucking hilarious.
    Your newest fucking fan

  4. Pingback: Chilli Prawn Zasta from Shannon’s Kitchen | Shop Naturally News Blog

Leave a Reply