Shannon's Kitchen

healthy food. inappropriate language. zero fucks given.

SlightlyNaughtyMostlyHealthyCookiesDirtyCloseup

The cookie monster is onto something. Don’t let his crazed eyeballs and drugged-like fever fool you, he is a clever monster because his addiction is a worthy one. Cookies are amazing. They’re crunchy and sweet. So are apples, but put an apple next to a cookie and I bet you can guess which one I would tell to get fucked. I love cookies. Now, these Slightly Naughty Mostly Healthy cookies contain gluten, so you will just have to accept that. Unless of course you are allergic to it, in which case, you are excused and please don’t eat these because that would be silly. These cookies’ health factor is boosted with B-group vitamins, fibre and omega-3, so we can have the energy to chomp these crunchy fuckers and do amazing shits and get super excited and not have a heart attack from all this celebratory action.

Now, COOKIEEEEEEEEEES!

ShannonsKitchenCookieMonster


Ingredients: makes 12

– 1/2 cup coconut oil (or melted butter or ghee or whatever)

– 1/3 cup coconut sugar (I can almost hear some eyelids squelching as eyes roll in sockets. Why coconut sugar? It releases energy slower than brown sugar and is much higher in minerals like magnesium, zinc and iron. You can buy it at the supermarket and it won’t fuck up your cookies. Nurse’s honour)

– 1 egg

– 1 teaspoon vanilla extract or paste

– 1 teaspoon cinnamon

– 2 tablespoons flaxseed meal (also called ground flaxseed or some shit)

– 1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (ok, you might have to go to the health shop for this one. But it adds heaps of B-group vitamins and a weird but good flavour)

– 1/2 cup SR wholemeal flour

– 2/3 cup rolled oats

-1/4 teaspoon salt

– 3 tablespoons desiccated coconut

– 1/4 cup of whatever the fuck you want to jazz your cookies up with. I choose chocolate chips because I’m dirty and excellent. Dried fruit like sultanas or whatever is also acceptable


Let’s cookie:

– get your oven on 180

– mix your coconut oil and coconut sugar together, then add in the egg and vanilla shit

– next, stir in that flaxseed meal, cinnamon and nutritional yeast and feel the health factor go fucking BOOM

– your flour is the next amigo to join the party. Throw him in and stir him through. When that’s evenly dispersed, bang the oats , salt and coconut in and stir

– what did you choose to jazz up your cookies? Get it in there

– righto, now we need to make this doughy shit into cookies. Use your hands and make little balls slightly smaller than a golf ball (I went to a driving range a few weeks ago and was mildly successful, so I feel justified to use golfing references at will). Pop the balls on a baking-paper covered tray, and then squash them down into cookies. If it helps to visualise that they belong to an awful gent that you know, so be it

– pop those little fellas into the oven for 10-13 minutes and pull them out when they’re looking golden. Let them cool their jets on a rack for a few minutes so they can muster up maximum crunch


Fuck, that’s good,

Shannon x

14 thoughts on “Slightly Naughty Mostly Healthy Cookies

  1. DamI says:

    what temp for the oven? Or do they cook like magic?!

    1. Shannon says:

      Oh good lord, what a fuckwit – I was obviously high on cookies when I wrote this. I have amended it! (180 by the way)

  2. Kristina says:

    where the f do I buy coconut sugar??!!!

  3. Kristina says:

    Dear Shannon

    THought I would pass on my fiance’s response to this one – I left out the references to my boobs though:

    “C is for Cookie, Cookie starts with C. C is for Cookie, Cookie starts with C. C is for Cookie, Cookie starts with C. Cookie, Cookie, Cookie starts with C……”

    As Shannon would say, I hope that song rings in your fcg ears for the rest of the day”. Munch, munch, munch…..mmmmmmm, me love cookies”

  4. sharon sadgrove says:

    Kia Ora Shannon,

    Fuck that WOULD be good… if I hadn’t chosen Goji berries to jazz up my cookies- what the fuck was I thinking? Those things taste like arse! I will remake the cookies using good old fashioned chocolate, as I too am a dirty chocolate whore who should never have strayed from the good stuff. So, Goji berries… I would love to know if you have any culinary ideas to make these fuckers taste half way palatable? I want to be as healthy as the next girl, but life it too short to eat arse. Unless you’re into that, then be my guest. Shazza xx >

  5. Sharon says:

    Kia Ora Shannon,

    Fuck that WOULD be good… if I hadn’t chosen Goji berries to jazz up my cookies- what the fuck was I thinking? Those things taste like arse! I will remake the cookies using good old fashioned chocolate, as I too am a dirty chocolate whore who should never have strayed from the good stuff. So, Goji berries… I would love to know if you have any culinary ideas to make these fuckers taste half way palatable? I want to be as healthy as the next girl, but life it too short to eat arse. Unless you’re into that, then be my guest. Shazza xx

  6. Liz says:

    definately making these this weekend, but, because im an annoying vegan bitch (yea yea yea…) i’ll swap out the egg for banana or egg replacer or similar and let you know how it works, cookies are fucking amazing, thanks for this shannon x

  7. Shannon Ferguson says:

    Hey, I love all this shit.I was just wondering if you have any  that aren’t too difficult using macca power – as I have a fuck load of it in my cupboard and havent really found a recipe i like as yet.  Thanks From another Shannon 🙂

    1. Shannon says:

      http://www.natkringoudis.com.au/maca-slice-thyroid-needs/
      Just came across this recipe using maca powder if it’s still sitting in your pantry like a useless cunt.
      xx

  8. Liz says:

    also, thanks for the explanation on coconut sugar, i was starting to think it was some bullshit trendy hipster thing

  9. purpaboo says:

    Coconut oil? That’s for rubbing on your titties, Shirley?

    😉

    1. Shannon says:

      Hahaha! It is the oil that just gives and gives 😉

  10. Katie Allard says:

    I just made a batch of these…and OMG they are seriously good. I added 85% choc drops; 1 big one stuffed into each, and I honestly think I will finish them off this evening. Thank you Shannon!

    1. Shannon says:

      FABULOUS! I ate 5 when I made them the other day. They’re too good 😮

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