Shannon's Kitchen

healthy food. inappropriate language. zero fucks given.

This body-shaming bullshit is more revolting than unplugging a pube-ravaged shower drain. Where are people’s fucking manners? Here is a simple guide on when to comment on someone else’s body and when not to:


– “Mate, you look as hot as fuck.” Yes.

– “Um, darling, that mole on your back has more colours than a bag of Skittles and has more turbulent borders than Korea, get yourself to a friggin’ doctor.” Yes.

– “You have some spinach in your teeth, bruz,” (in discrete, hushed tones and a kindly manner). Yes.

– “You are glowing.” Yes.


– “You are so fucking skinny, I just mistook you for a super-thin pizza crust.” No.

– “Oh my god, do you know what you look like in a bikini?! Save the whales, harpoon this ho’bag.” No.

– “Mate, you should not be wearing speedos, you look like you’ve got nothing but a jellybean and two Tic-Tacs in your trunks.” No.

– “Your head is too big for your body.” (Someone said this to me once. My head is kind of large, I mean, I was wearing adult helmets as a child. But still, not helpful). No.

– “You’re fat.” I mean, just no.

– “You’re uglier than a hat full of arseholes.” No.

– “Your monobrow is more outlandish than Maggie Simpson’s baby-enemy’s.” No.

– “Oh my god she has so much fucking cellulite she looks like her thighs have spelled out ‘enter at own risk’ in braille!” No.

So, there we have a simple guide on not being a body-shaming fuck-knuckle in the online and offline social world.

Unless it involves hiding in the bushes and leaping out fully exposing oneself to small children, then flaunting one’s body is an individual decision. You friggin’ know I get my plump arse out on the beach covered only by an itsy-bitsy bottom, and I’m grinning like a freshlord-douchebag, having too much fun to care what anybody thinks.

Everyone has a varied opinion of what is beautiful, and thank fuck for that, otherwise there would be a whole lot of people with nowhere to go but their masturbatorium for some loving.



Shannon x

21 thoughts on “A brief guide on how to avoid being a body-shaming dickbeetle

  1. Pawel says:

    you ara amazing, I’m so happy to have came across your website.

  2. Diana van Eck says:

    Love it you are awesome

  3. Rachel says:

    Haha, I got told I had small feet for my body size! I responded in a bullying way…

  4. i ran across something that stuck in my head a few weeks ago.
    it was an article about body shaming and how ”real women have curves”…. that sucked me in because i’m a curvy gal at my highest OR lowest weight, it’s just how i’m built.
    most of my life, well into my 40’s i longed NOT to be curvy now i’m so happy i am. that whole body self loathing thing came from a shit childhood of being body shamed but i won’t go into that here they are dickbeetle cock gobblers.
    so here i am FINALLY loving my curves…. body acceptance is pretty fucking awesome!!!

    so anyway i was all like yeah curvy girls! so i read the whole article about how we should be proud of our curves and blahblah. all fine and good the article was.
    in the comments a man had wrote in support of the curvy ladies….
    ”real men love curvy women”….
    but the thing that struck me hard was another man replied….
    ‘no, dude…. real men love whatever kind of women they want to love” FUCKING BAM!

    1. Emma says:

      The whole “real women have……………” bugs the shit out of me. I weighed 119 pounds when pregnant with my son – am I not a real woman because I don’t have curves. Who gets to say that only real women have curves or tits or whatever???

      Sorry to jump on your comment but I fucking hate that shit – it’s body shaming in a sneaky way like yay, let’s celebrate our shape but not your shape.

      1. Shannon says:

        That is absolutely true, Emma! Let’s celebrate no shapes, let’s just celebrate FABULOUS WOMEN!
        You might have missed Tracie’s last thought which was “but the thing that struck me hard was another man replied….
        ‘no, dude…. real men love whatever kind of women they want to love” FUCKING BAM!”, so I think Tracie agrees with you!

      2. if you read my whole comment you will see i indeed agree with you. the whole real this or that shit needs to stop.
        real women… come in all sizes as do real men.

  5. Shiny says:

    Love it! Too much “You-don’t-meet-societies-expectations/stereotypes” shaming of all decriptions going on, too often pretending to be “just a joke” or well meaning “advice, it’s for your own good you know!”. Any suggestions for shutting the f*ckers up? Responding in kind has worked brilliantly for some friends dealing with eejits who just did not get the message any other way. I’d rather something that didn’t meaning dropping down to the eejits level…..

    1. Shannon says:

      How about:
      “I’ll have a think about your unhelpful body suggestions right after I finish discussing my fabulous life with all of my fabulous friends”,
      or “That’s so cute that you think I would care, good for you!”,
      or offer them a breath mint and say nothing else,
      or call them a cunt and be done with it. 😉

      1. Shiny says:

        hehehe 🙂

  6. This.Is.Farking.Gold!! Thank you!

  7. Wendy says:


  8. This post got me out the door and to the gym this morning with a new smile on my face. To the chic in the locker room who seemed to go out of her way to try and ruin my day…go suck it! Thanks, Shannon! 😉

  9. julesagray says:

    I can’t love this one enough. And, thanks for adding ‘dickbeetle’ to my vocab.

  10. linzdays says:

    I’m a primary school teacher who is currently 23wks pregnant. I’ve been ‘showing’ for quite some time but was shocked that some parents felt it their right to comment on how big I was, to my face. One saying “she’s so big she’ll just roll out of here”…
    Why is it ok for anyone to comment on another’s body and people feel they have even more of a right when you’re pregnant. It’s fired me up big time on issues pregnant women face with body-shaming. Think I might fire up my old blog and take some control back!
    Love your wisdom Shannon – Linz x

  11. linzdays says:

    I’m a primary school teacher who is currently 23ks pregnant. I’ve been ‘showing’ my beautiful bump since very early on and it amazes me the type of comments people think are ok to make to me. Recently some parents commented on how big I was and how I could ” just roll out of the gym”.
    Yep – making a human over here, my body does not become public property just because of my bump. Why does being pregnant give people the right to comment – it’s still my body and it’s working a little miracle so keep your rude comments to yourself! Imagine the uproar if teachers said this back to students or parents! It has fired me up big time and bodies of all types should be celebrated!
    Love your wisdom Shannon – Linz x

  12. I love that you answered everything. Yes. No.
    HA! I just keep trying to think like the comedian Lucia. Upgrade bitches! When someone compliments you – upgrade!

  13. Terence Blackburn says:

    nice post and the comment about the scones was helpful.

  14. Love the examples and you r way of turning a phrase, Shannon.
    Thanks for the recipes too.

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