A brief guide on how to avoid being a body-shaming dickbeetle

This body-shaming bullshit is more revolting than unplugging a pube-ravaged shower drain. Where are people’s fucking manners? Here is a simple guide on when to comment on someone else’s body and when not to:


– “Mate, you look as hot as fuck.” Yes.

– “Um, darling, that mole on your back has more colours than a bag of Skittles and has more turbulent borders than Korea, get yourself to a friggin’ doctor.” Yes.

– “You have some spinach in your teeth, bruz,” (in discrete, hushed tones and a kindly manner). Yes.

– “You are glowing.” Yes.


– “You are so fucking skinny, I just mistook you for a super-thin pizza crust.” No.

– “Oh my god, do you know what you look like in a bikini?! Save the whales, harpoon this ho’bag.” No.

– “Mate, you should not be wearing speedos, you look like you’ve got nothing but a jellybean and two Tic-Tacs in your trunks.” No.

– “Your head is too big for your body.” (Someone said this to me once. My head is kind of large, I mean, I was wearing adult helmets as a child. But still, not helpful). No.

– “You’re fat.” I mean, just no.

– “You’re uglier than a hat full of arseholes.” No.

– “Your monobrow is more outlandish than Maggie Simpson’s baby-enemy’s.” No.

– “Oh my god she has so much fucking cellulite she looks like her thighs have spelled out ‘enter at own risk’ in braille!” No.

So, there we have a simple guide on not being a body-shaming fuck-knuckle in the online and offline social world.

Unless it involves hiding in the bushes and leaping out fully exposing oneself to small children, then flaunting one’s body is an individual decision. You friggin’ know I get my plump arse out on the beach covered only by an itsy-bitsy bottom, and I’m grinning like a freshlord-douchebag, having too much fun to care what anybody thinks.

Everyone has a varied opinion of what is beautiful, and thank fuck for that, otherwise there would be a whole lot of people with nowhere to go but their masturbatorium for some loving.



Shannon x

21 thoughts on “A brief guide on how to avoid being a body-shaming dickbeetle

  1. I’m a primary school teacher who is currently 23wks pregnant. I’ve been ‘showing’ for quite some time but was shocked that some parents felt it their right to comment on how big I was, to my face. One saying “she’s so big she’ll just roll out of here”…
    Why is it ok for anyone to comment on another’s body and people feel they have even more of a right when you’re pregnant. It’s fired me up big time on issues pregnant women face with body-shaming. Think I might fire up my old blog and take some control back!
    Love your wisdom Shannon – Linz x

  2. I’m a primary school teacher who is currently 23ks pregnant. I’ve been ‘showing’ my beautiful bump since very early on and it amazes me the type of comments people think are ok to make to me. Recently some parents commented on how big I was and how I could ” just roll out of the gym”.
    Yep – making a human over here, my body does not become public property just because of my bump. Why does being pregnant give people the right to comment – it’s still my body and it’s working a little miracle so keep your rude comments to yourself! Imagine the uproar if teachers said this back to students or parents! It has fired me up big time and bodies of all types should be celebrated!
    Love your wisdom Shannon – Linz x

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