I always have ol’ Ronald McDonald over there in Chip Tunnel winking at me like the devious fucker we all know him to be, tempting me with his burgers and lewdly large feet. To prevent doing myself a culinary mischief, I’ve taken to making big-arse batches of soup to stash away in single portions in the freezer like some sort of outrageously excellent soup-lord.
Soup is a bit of a fizzer at times. I can recall as a child, I often felt like punching faces whenever Mum announced that soup was for lunch. But now I’m less of a cunt and more pro-vegetable (still a bit of a cunt though). Regardless, this soup is never disappointing. It’s like an ever-erect peen: always ready to deliver, always filling, but without the risk of developing oral sores and no stray pubes to spoil matters.
– one small pumpkin cut into cubes
– 1 sweet potato peeled and cut into cubes
– 1 or 2 red capsicums cut into strips
– 2 to 4 cloves of garlic depending on your tastebuds and breath insecurity
– smoked paprika and cumin
– drizzle of whatever the fuck oil you like
– 1 cup vegetable/chicken/beef stock (that’s ‘broth’ to you modern silly sausages, you crazy kids)
– 1 cup coconut milk/cream
– a bit of natural yoghurt or coconut cream or moo-cow cream to plonk in the bowl at the end (entirely optional, but mandatory if you worshipped Prince and desire the cream to get on top)
Work the magic:
– preheat oven to 180C (360F)
– place vegetables into a baking dish and drizzle with oil, sprinkle the smoked paprika and cumin on there. Roast those guys for 50-60 minutes so they’re soft and easily crushed (aka ‘smooshable as all fuck’)
– to make the soup, mix those veggies with the coconut milk and stock, and then whizz that brew. You can do it with a bar-mix or throw it in the blender. Don’t burn your fucking self. If it’s too thick add some more stock or coconut milk. If it’s too runny, well, it’s too fucking late and I’m sorry for ruining your lunch, but it’s just soup so don’t get too bloody cranky
– serve nude or with a smidge of your chosen cream. I love sprinkling a bit of nutmeg on that shit. I know what you’re thinking, “Shannon, you are one classy piece of arse,” and I appreciate that