Shannon's Kitchen

healthy food. inappropriate language. zero fucks given.

lactationballs

There was a time when I viewed my breasts like a set of earrings: they came in a pair, they were decorative and they stayed where I put them. Now they are a fully functional apparatus, and they only have a side-gig as ornaments, which if I’m honest, they’re not particularly nailing. They take their milk-producing role seriously, although making enough milk can be bloody hard work sometimes and they need a little help. I’m not talking about Mr Shannon getting in there and yanking on them like I’m an old dairy cow named Trilby, I’m talking about food.

Inspired by Lactation Cookies, these Lactation Balls contain the same tittie-poppin’ ingredients (brewers yeast, oats, flaxseed) but remove many of the fucks you are required to give when making the cookies – because parents have few fucks to give. We are virtually fresh out of fucks most of the time. We have shit on. If I have time to spare I’m not keen to spend 30 minutes in the kitchen, I’m looking to pin crafting activities on Pinterest or do some scrapbooking. I’m fucking with you, I want to do none of those things. Now, allow me to present my balls:


Ingredients:

– 1/2 cup peanut butter (get a good one where the only ingredients is peanuts and a bee’s-dick of salt)

– 12 medjool dates (these live in the fresh fruit section, not that shitty dried date section)

– 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

– 1/4 teaspoon salt

– 1/2 cup rolled oats

– 1/4 cup flax meal

– 1 tablespoon brewers yeast

– 1 tablespoon coconut oil


Get ballin’:

– throw it all into a food processor

whizz the shit out of it

– roll it into balls. Big balls or small balls, whatever tickles your fancy

– if you’re not a fan of sticky balls, roll them in desiccated coconut (or crushed peanuts or some similar shit)

– bang them in the fridge


May your titties go boom-boom, and the milk flow freely,

Shannon x

10 thoughts on “Peanut Butter Lactation Balls

  1. I will be making these 🙂

    1. Shannon says:

      I hope you enjoy them, Myriam! 😀

  2. Pete says:

    These look great and yummy Shannon, however my boyfriend and I don’t have any kids, not even of non-breast feeding age. He’s vegan and they’d be perfect for him but is he likely to start squirting from his ample and grabbable young pecs? I wouldn’t complain, I think it’d be hot and very fucking tasty, plus we need a new lawn sprinkler. But for him, producing litres of milk a week would be a tad messy (you know how these 19 year olds are) and awkward, he’s vegan and could suffer ethically having his partner constantly & hungrily gulping a non-vegan substance right in front of him 24/7. What would you recommend, darling blogstress?

    1. Shannon says:

      Hmm, I see your conundrum, Pete. However, luckily for you, this magic set of balls only work on those with a suckling pig at their teat, so I feel your boyfriend will be safe to consume these balls, and has no reason to fear becoming a human sprinkler. With love, Shannon x

    1. Shannon says:

      😀 Thanks, they sure are.

  3. Leanne says:

    Hello! I would like to make these for my nursing friend but she is allergic to brewers yeast. Is it an essential part of the recipe? Any kick ass substitute you can recommend?

    1. Shannon says:

      Brewer’s yeast is important in the recipe, it’s one of the ingredients that boosts supply. But the oats and flax are also excellent for pumping up the titties so you could just omit the yeast ❤ You're a fucking champ of a friend.

  4. Your wit is among the reasons I am subscribed to you. Well done. Thanks for showing me your balls.

    1. Shannon says:

      Any time.
      Thank you 😉 x

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