Healthy food doesn’t need to be complicated shit. Detox smoothies? Don’t be silly, my liver takes care of that shit. Bulletproof coffee? That’s flog-talk, I’ll save the butter for my toast, thanks. Superfood supplements? Yeah, nah, I reckon I’ll just have this apple instead. It’s about eleventy-five-million dollars cheaper and doesn’t taste like a penis dipped in lawn clippings. Too many of us are over-thinking healthy eating and being lured in to diet culture because it’s fucking everywhere. Social media is dripping with it. And some of the people peddling it are jokers who got their their nutrition training from Captain Google. To them I say: “Stop pullin’ ya dick, go to school, and quit being silly,” and I sniff out an expert like The Nutrition Guru & The Chef. They’re a no-nonsense team comprised of a university qualified nutritionist and a chef who promote healthy eating without the mind-fuckery. Here’s one of their winning recipes: Sweet Potato & Oat Bars.


– 2 cups of almond meal (or spelt flour/wholemeal plain flour)

– 1/2 cup rolled oats

– 1/2 cup sultanas

– 1 teaspoon cinnamon

– 2 teaspoons baking powder

– 1 1/2 cups grated sweet potato, skin included (washing the fucking dirt off first is advised)

– 4 eggs

– 1/4 cup olive or coconut oil

– 1/3 cup honey or maple syrup (The Nutrition Guru tells me this is optional, SURELY SHE JESTS, as if we’re skipping the sweet stuff)

Do it:

– Pre heat your oven to 180C

– Grease a 20cm x 20cm baking tin and line that son of a bitch with baking paper

– Whack the almond meal, oats, sultanas, baking powder and cinnamon in a large bowl and stir the fuck out of it

– Add the grated sweet potato to the mixture and, again, stir the bejesus out of it

– In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs lightly. Then add the oil to the eggs and feather-touch whisk again to incorporate those bad-boys

– Pour that eggy-goo into the mixture, then add the honey/maple syrup

– Stir the shit out of it all

– Plonk the mixture into the baking tin and smooth it out

– If you’re a flash-fuck you may wish to give it a cheeky sprinkle with seeds/crushed nuts for decoration

– Bake for 30 minutes, until golden-brown and a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean as a whistle

– Remove from oven and leave in tin to cool

– Slice it up and congratulate yourself with a nipple tweaking

Love Shannon x

P.S. Want more treats? Try my Chocolate Salty Balls and check out more from The Nutrition Guru & The Chef. They won BUPA Healthy Eating Blog of the Year. Bloody champs.

P.P.S. Don’t forget my cookbook drops in a couple of weeks! Order here (legends only, no dickheads).


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