about

We are starting to realise what we put in our mouths can harm us. And I’m not referring to munging on a diseased, scab-ridden set of genitals, I’m talking about food. Food can pump you full of awesome, or it can fuck with you.

I’m an Australian nurse who is balls deep in a Masters of Nutrition. I’ve personally experienced the change good food can make. After reducing sugar and processed shit, under the care of my doctor, I quickly went from having ovaries as dud as a pair of fucking Crocs* to being so fertile I produced a small human by bloody accident (let’s slow clap that doctor for forgetting to mention possibility of infertility reversal).

Despite the apparent revelation, I’m not a tossbag-food-saint. I eat burgers frequently (yes, even McDonalds, in fact, Ronald is a treasured and respected clown in my home), I drink (at times obscenely), and if I’m eating M&Ms you’re fucking damn right I selected the jumbo pack, because fuck you, that’s why. I subscribe to the 80/20 rule: 80% of the time, I make food choices that are excellent for my hotrod. 20% of the time, I’m an absolute prick to my body, and I say, “Body, take a backseat, you whinging cocksucker, it’s the tastebud’s turn to drive”. 

Shannon'sKitchenFacebookPhoto

I started creating my own healthy recipes in my kitchen when I grew tired of being porked up the ring by other ‘healthy’ food pages. They seemed so preachy and perfect. Quite frankly it chapped my fanny. Plus some of the recipes tasted like penis. 

So, Shannon’s Kitchen is a place for family cooks to find inspiration for healthy meals that give the tastebuds the respect they fucking deserve. All content is punctuated with fruity language and inappropriate analogies. Anyone with feathers that easily ruffle will have to come to terms with that or should probably fuck off. You should know that I really like making jokes about penises. I once got told off over the loudspeaker at a petrol station for using the petrol hose as a makeshift pizzle and doing a cheeky little hump motion. “Bowser Three. Please don’t do that with the hose.” I was 26

So anyway, hi. Thanks for being here. Let’s cook some healthy shit without giving too many fucks.

Shannon x

Find my inappropriate cookbook HERE.

 

repulsivefuckingcrocs

*These are Crocs, and they are not ok.

P.S. Want to be one of life’s winners and have some good shit in your social repertoire? If so, join me on:

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96 thoughts on “about

  1. Pip

    Shannon you’ve married my two favourite things: conscious food (without being a total dick about it) and conscious swearing! I think you’re onto a winner. And if you haven’t offended somebody you’re not doing it right! So keep up the good work 🙂

  2. Mark Adams

    I fuckin’ love this site. Good work, keep it up and keep real, despite what Saint Ben of the Puckered Coit thinks. I saw Catherine Deveney’s link to it, you are a true classic.

  3. Malcolm McLean

    Firstly, I fucking hate swearing, unless it’s every 3rd word. Secondly, I love grub, hence being a fat bastard, and fucking thirdly, you’re fucking gorgeous. X

  4. Haha! Who are you and where have you come from! I pissed myself laughing reading your “About” page. Can’t believe you’re a nurse (would love to see your bedside manner!) You’re hilarious and filthy and sweary and I think I love you 😊

  5. Tanya

    you’re pretty much the coolest woman alive. Besides me.
    Thank you for just being un-pretentious in a world full of assholes and do-gooders. Your recipes rock and I wish you every success!!!

  6. Annabel

    I’ll be a qualified nurse in five months (oh fuck I actually have to know stuff) and I also swear rather a lot… I can see myself turning into you haha

  7. Oh my gawd you are absolutely hilarious. Sweary bloggers are the best. Thank you for the laughs. PS you think chopped cauliflower smells like farts? Try opening a jar of sauerkraut. Who the fuck farted?

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