Cherry Ripe Smoothie

cherryripesmoothie

The inspiration for this breakfast smoothie came from an obvious place: a delicious friggin’ cocktail (“The Cherry Ripe” – a cheeky and unpretentious combination of Chambord, Baileys and coconut milk). Please note I mean no disrespect to the chocolate bar “Cherry Ripe” as it has a very special place in my heart also. This smoothie shares something with the chocolate bar, however: it contains no cherries. The name is bullshit. But the flavour, well, sir, that is the business.


Ingredients:

– 1 cup frozen raspberries

– 1 teaspoon cacao powder

– 100ml coconut milk

– 100-150ml water (depending on how thick you like it)

– 1 scoop chocolate or vanilla protein powder


Get Ripe:

– chuck everything in a blender and give it some shit


Pop it,

Shannon x


Shannon’s Chocolate Salty Balls

ImageBALLLLLLLLLLLLs. Human balls are hilarious. I’m a nurse so I have seen an absolute fuckload of balls. They still amaze and amuse me. They’re so friggin’ mobile, as they attend to their own agenda at will with more ferocity than their dopey neighbour (the dong/doodle/skin-flute/peen/whistle/womb-raider). The fastest I have ever seen a ballsack shimmy upward was when I assisted in a catheterisation. It was as though they sensed the tube coming at their defenceless friend and they couldn’t stand to watch so they retreated to the torso with great speed. It was as amusing as it was disturbing. Bless balls, they add so much personality and razzle-dazzle to that whole region. They’re such delightful, funny little spheres. But these balls are no laughing matter, and they will be the tastiest set you will ever have in and around your mouth.


 Ingredients:

– 10 medjool dates, pitted and halved

– 1 tablespoon coconut oil

– 2 tablespoons almond butter

– 2 tablespoons peanut butter (get a good quality one: the only ingredient should be peanuts and maybe a cheeky little bit of salt)

– 1 tablespoon cacao powder

– 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or essence)

– 2 tablespoons LSA mix (at the supermarket, it’s a mix of linseeds, sunflower seeds, and almonds in a dusty form packed with nutrients including omega-3 fatty acids) or you can use almond meal

– 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg (highly precise, don’t fuck this up, people)

– 1/4 teaspoon ground rock salt (do not omit the salt, unless you want to lose the respect of me and your tastebuds. Regular salt is fine if you don’t have the rock salt)

– handful of desiccated coconut to roll the balls in at the end. Otherwise when handling these sexy balls you will end up with ball-ooze all over your hands and that just will not do. Unless that’s how you roll, in which case, ball-ooze yourself up).


 Let’s play ball:

– put all ingredients except the coconut into a food processor and give it some absolute revving. This mixture is very sticky so don’t freak out

– when the mixture is nice and gooey and blended, roll the mixture into balls. I’m not going to judge the size of the balls you produce – we are all different so don’t be self-conscious. Just roll your balls and be done with it. Then rub them or dip them or drag them through the desiccated coconut so they have a nice little ‘fuzzy’ coating

– they are best served refrigerated so bang your balls in the fridge for 15 or 20 minutes. Don’t worry – they won’t shrink.

– pop one of Shannon’s Chocolate Salty Balls in your mouth, and hey – if you can fit two in your mouth, I salute you.


 I know you want one,

Shannon x

PS: A variation on this recipe: Instead of using almond butter, sub in more peanut butter. That’s right. And instead of rolling those little bastards in coconut, rub on some smooshed-up salted, roasted peanuts. Yes, they will look like Barry White’s testes dipped in a bag of grated parmesan, but they sure as shit won’t taste like it


caramello-banana porridge

Caramello-Banana Porridge

This cheeky little breakfast is so good it feels obscene.

Imagine this: gooey banana, mixed with nature’s caramel, a hint of coconut, and the warming comfort of porridge.

P.S. It’s good for you.


Ingredients:

– 1/2 cup rolled oats

– 1 chopped banana

– 4 medjool dates chopped

– 1/2 cup coconut milk (light or fatty, it’s up to you)

– 1/2 cup water (and add more if it gets too thick during cooking)

– milk to your liking once cooked (cow, goat, rice, soy, coconut, almond, whatever!)


How to get this shit in your bowl:

Put the oats, banana, medjool dates, coconut milk and water in a saucepan over med-high heat until it starts bubbling, then turn the heat down looooooooow and let that baby simmer for five to ten minutes, depending how you like it. Pop into a bowl and then add milk of your choice to get the consistency that gets you going. Then enjoy the hell out of that healthy, delicious breakfast.


Thank me later,

Shannon x